It seems like every year some black man with a platform decides to tell anyone who will listen that they don’t date black women. In the past, it has been rapper and mogul 50 Cent, “rapper” Kodak Black, and a myriad of others who don’t necessarily say it but we notice that the women they date just happen to be highly susceptible to sunburn. Most recently it was a pair of immature bros from the fresh & fit podcast who ran a lot of red lights and got abruptly pulled over by the societal police. When in conversation about the topic of why they date who they date, these types of black men never pass up the opportunity to write off their aversion to black women as just being a matter of preference. This bothers me. When they say this, they believe that they’re being nonchalant and unproblematic but in actuality, they are being wildly offensive and dare I say, racist?
A preference by definition is viewing one thing as more desirable than another. Having a preference is not a stand-alone act. It means that you like something because you believe there is something displeasing about the other options available. So, when they’re using the word preference they are not just standing sweetly in a neutral position. In dating/relationships, you are racist. Just say that! Stand full in your problematic opinion. Don’t shrug and hide behind the word ‘preference’ as if it is inherently neutral.
Guys love the word ‘preference’ because saying the alternative sounds gross. As a dark-skinned black man, saying that you prefer another skin color is saying that you find something less desirable about the very skin that covers your body daily. Weird, huh? Are you suffering from body dysmorphia or are you just racist? Saying that black women are less attractive than women of other races. Well, that’s what the tiki torch guys say. Are you racist? Are black women less interesting, intelligent, capable, diverse than women of other races? Nope, not that either. Black women range from anime-loving web coding queens to a full set of lashes while working on a Ph.D., to being the first to sign up and compete in underground rap battles. Black women run the gamut just like all other races so they’d be wrong there too. Could it be that you are a relationship racist? Situational racism is real.
Preferences don’t develop in silos. People like what they like because of their exposure, experiences, and beliefs. I’m always curious as to how these black men can grow up in black families, be surrounded by predominantly black people, have black skin on their own bodies, and somehow develop an aversion to it when it comes to picking their partners. Doesn’t something seem batshit crazy about that? Black men who state that they don’t date black women have either been hurt/rejected by black women and the way they channel that is to reject the group entirely. OR they are so pressed to be viewed amicably through a white lens that they solely go for white women and exotic women as trophies to signal their own value to society. OR their self-hatred runs so deeply that they assign that hatred out to women that look like them as well. I’m just guessing, who knows?
Either way, it’s problematic for one really big reason. Regardless of who these black men end up dating/marrying, many of them will procreate and to their surprise (!!!)…that child will be black and may identify as a woman. For these children, how will it be to grow up in a household with a man that is on record saying that you’re less than? How sad. I can see them explaining now, “See baby girl. I didn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Just all the other black girls.”