featured image by Shivam Dewan on Unsplash
I’ve put myself into a retreat during this pandemic. A 90 day one. Why?
Because I was :
- Eating everything in sight
- My emotions were waves that the most experienced surfer couldn’t ride
- I wasn’t writing
- I wasn’t reading
- I consumed so much Social Media and TV that it was painful to get up after sitting in the same position for hours.
Hey, I said it was ugly. And I meant it. I think that with everything going on I took well-meaning people’s advice and decided to not too much pressure on myself. Psychologists, people with actual degrees gave me permission to take it easy! Urged us all to acknowledge that the world as we know it turned upside down and it would not be wise to put extra pressure on myself to meet goals or be super productive during this “downtime”.
It turned out that that advice is the worst for someone like me. I thrive on balance. I flourish on when I am allowed to create a life for myself that feels productive, and healthy and like I’m moving toward something even in the midst of a global crisis that is robbing us of so many people. To give me the license to do nothing is to give me the license to slowly and inadvertently do real harm to myself by behaving like a child who was given a wad of cash and then dropped off at Disney World. I’d have a raging stomach ache and pass out in the bushes behind Magic Kingdom in no time.
So, I spent some time with myself after feeling like absolute crap for about two weeks. I had gained more weight (your girl ain’t slim to begin with) and was even further behind with my work in progress. I felt like craaaappp. I settled on the issue:
I’m not happy when I don’t live a life that I can be proud of.
And the life that QuaranThena (that’s what I’m calling my alter ego) was living was pure trash. I decided to get more intentional about a few things– a few areas if you will. I’d like to share those areas with y’all:
- Movement: One’s ass is not meant to work a sinkhole into their couch from being on it 24/7. Intentional daily outdoor movement is needed.
- Nourishment: When Chocolate Ice Cream made it’s way on to my breakfast menu after escaping from desert solitary confinement I knew I up shits creek without a paddle.
- Journaling/Thoughtful Time: Getting my thoughts out through journaling instead of yelling at my husband has done WONDERS for our marriage.
- Writing: I’m a writer! How the hell can I not write, even a tiny bit, each day? Huh? Answer me!!!
- Reading: The most entertaining and enveloping art forms (in my opinion) is literature. Music is a VERY EXTREMELY CLOSE second for me. Reading makes me a better writer and a better person.
Maintaining these five pillars make me the best me. When I’ve done these five things in a day I can close my eyes feeling like my innermost self has been paid adequate attention. I feel centered and ready for the next day. I’m sorry to get all crystals and earth vibrations on y’all but I always said I was going to be authentic and share my journey and hey, this is it!
Today is my 11th day on this 90-day retreat. I’ve cut off the TV and Social Media for the 90 days as well and let me tell you…I don’t miss it. Well, maybe I do miss Insecure but who doesn’t? Something about not allowing myself to consume so much of other people’s lives (real or fictional) has been a huge weight off my shoulders.
I’ve also written thousands of words in the past few days, completed the final plot outline for the story I’m working on (remember the one I said I was thinking of abandoning? It’s completely plotted out and almost done), and started on the outline of Book 2 for “Say When”. Look at God!
I wanted to share a bit of the story that I’m working on. Click the cover below to read the first two chapters and tell me what you guys think!